i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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