maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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