then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
