you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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