Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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