Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
