My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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