I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
