I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
