Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
