someone get that fucking seahorse.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?