first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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