Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.