Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
