um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
