Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
handjob tips. give me some.
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I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
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The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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