In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
