checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
