Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
