wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
