This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
