he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
