she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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