Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
operation harelip BJ is a go
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
