You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
