Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm too high and old for this...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
