So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
