Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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