you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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