did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
now i know why i became what i already was.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
not ubering you a puppy
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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