i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
