people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
