she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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