By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
