i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
