I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Drunk is a universal language darling
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
