The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
