If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize