So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
