I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
