please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
