My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
