I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
