Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
