Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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