Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
