somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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