all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
