well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
