TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
