Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
