I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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