I cockslap morals
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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