1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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