I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
