I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
