1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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