my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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