you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
