so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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